Should you have ever doubted the mythical power of track pants, then it is Susan’s duty to prove you otherwise. JEANS, the ‘ice-cream’ man from The Hague, does not fuck with denim. Comfort over tradition, conventions succumbed to the simplicity of design. With that in mind, LUL GEEN KALMTE is the tune that will drop at the right place at the right time. It’s like 6am, the doors are wavering, and the sweat is coming from the ceiling in the outdoors. Which ceiling, you wonder? The ozone layer, obviously. Now we truly understand that no one is waiting to embark upon a scientific lecture, but let’s be clear about one thing, and one thing only: you have arrived at this destination to dissect the power of house, the strength of beauty and the impact of capital letters. Synthetic symmetry allows our senses to be at ease, but what if the beat drops, the bass tenderly rolls along and the four-by-four suddenly skips a little? Well, that’s what makes Mr. Ice Cream so unique. The bunker isn’t a place for everyone; it is much rather a place for anyone. If the power goes out, you hop on the bike and peddle. Peddle for a long, long time. Only then will you be able to withstand to subtle explosions that come with this opening belter. How to keep on going wearing denim? Well, don’t. Stripes on the side of your cotton fleece garment will do just fine.

We end the beginning with a voiced sample that shivers through your glorious bones. Once the sounds gently flow into the distance, the acidic boom by Lake Haze remixes its way into Susan’s sixth instalment of the journey that should, hopefully, unravel her identity. Hand steady, pure and do-not-fuck- around kicks, flicks and acid trips kick you in the face like a good old hangover you always get caught up in but never really want. This must too be embraced, because it reminds you that you did well the night before. The tingling resemblance that makes the Original Belter so worldly is reflected in Lake’s take on the sound. It wouldn’t surprise us if you’re slightly disoriented after this beast.

Now, remember back in 2008 when most of the young mandem got into house music? Garage used to be the ‘ting’. It’s what we all listened to at some point in our life, what we once loved and what we once wanted to witness. It’s been ten years, fam, and Susan the omnipotent knew it was the time to get it fuckin’ going again. Well, with Susan, we actually mean man like X-Coast.

Building a big ass garage that bridges the ocean that separates us from him, only to blast loud tunes is exactly what Susan needed. It ain’t no mid-life crisis because this is the sound that never dies. See what we did there? We shaped the contrast between life and death in one sentence and you didn’t even notice. Now, we said we wouldn’t get all scientific here, so let’s also leave the philosophy to the bearded intellectuals rather than getting jiggy with it ourselves. Garage music is what we’re witnessing here, and we fucking love it. Yeah, it’s the guy from Mango Bay who makes your booty shake once again, and boy did Susan look good during the wet t-shirt contest, shaking what her mama gave her to the sound of this LUL GEEN KALMTE remix.

Having done a brief throwback to the old days, we’re back to the present, ready for the B-side belters. With DED05ENDEMODDWHEEL, we can really hear that JEANS is preparing us for summer. Track pant swim trunks? Sure thing, honey. Susan beach party ‘till the sand becomes one with the sea. The synths grab your hand and guide you into the deep holes of production. At peak-time, you fall in love, and it’s time for a freaky night on the go. Let’s get it.

Oh, was that a subtle shift from the party to a one night stand? Uh, yeah. The final chapter is heavy, and it’s ONENIGHTSTANDSEXREVIEW that shows us just how it’s done. Kind of tribal, kind of groovy, but most definitely an unforgettable embarkment into old-school samples, kinky synthetic modifications and wild, wild lawn-mower bass killers. Susan and JEANS do indeed make for a great couple. Track pants on the left, and track dresses on the right. See you next time, friends.


A2. LUL GEEN KALMTE (Lake Haze Remix)
A3. LUL GEEN KALMTE (X-Coast Remix)


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